Monday, March 1, 2010

Dear Arsene Wenger: What I want for Christmas


In the five years since Arsenal last lifted a trophy of any sort, I, and many other Gooners have noticed some glaring deficiencies in our beloved club. Sure, the Gunners have treated us to plenty of the aesthetically pleasing, free-flowing football we've come to expect from Arsenal under manager Arsene Wenger's watch, but at the end of the day, it's always some other club hoisting the hardware.

The reasons for Arsenal's recent failure to get over the hump are obvious to even the casual observer, but not, it would appear, to The Professor Mr. Wenger. So here it is, Arsene, my personal "Dear Santa" letter to you. Please just hear me out.

Wish #1 - The Enforcer


It is altogether fitting and in no way a coincidence that Arsenal's last trophy, the 2005 FA Cup win over Manchester United, came thanks to a penalty kick from Patrick Vieira in what would turn out to be his swan song with the club. In addition to providing a capable finishing touch, the huge, rangy Frenchman provided something that Arsenal has sorely missed ever since---someone willing to "stick a boot in". The testy Vieira was an intimidating presence who made even the league's ugliest goons look over their shoulder.

This is England, Arsene, not La Liga. When you travel to play scumbag clubs like Birmingham City and Blackburn, you better have something more than a Denilson in your pocket. You need a real enforcer.
At times Abou Diaby looks the part as he possesses the combination of size, skill and general nastiness required for the job, but his durability is always a question mark. Alexandre Song is also becoming quite a bulldog in his own right, but appears to lack the mean streak the team really needs. I know midfield destroyers like Michael Essien don't grow on trees, but we can and must do better in this department.

Wish #2 - Quality Depth

This deficiency manifests itself in many aspects, all of which directly impact the Gunners' ability (or inability) to win trophies. It is not a stretch to say that Arsenal's last three campaigns were significantly hindered if not derailed outright by injuries. This season has been no exception.

It is impossible to predict and totally prepare for injuries, but it is probably a good idea to have another serviceable striker or two on hand when your first choice finisher is Robin van Persie, who I'm beginning to think is made of glass. He has never played anything close to full season and it is pure hubris to think he ever will. Ditto for Tomas Rosicky who missed two years with groin/quadriceps problems.

And not only has Arsenal's lack of quality depth left them unable to compete for the Premiership with the big boys like Manchester United and Chelsea on equal terms, but it has also killed them in other competitions like the FA and Carling Cups. If you are going to, as Wenger so often does, rely on reserves to get you through to the later rounds of the competitions, it would help to actually have some experience on the bench. You won't often see Chelsea and Liverpool throwing 17 and 18 year olds out there in cup matches, but Arsenal regularly trots out the likes of Fran Merida, Jack Wilshire, Sanchez Watt, Kieran Gibbs, Carlos Vela, etc. Good luck with that. I understand you want to develop young talent, but that's what reserve team matches are for. Not the FA Cup fourth round at Stoke City.

Wish #3
Goalkeeping. Goalkeeping. Goalkeeping.


My God, am I the only person who sees this? I know Jens Lehmann was a real pain in the ass and provided the occasional massive screw-up (2006 Champions League Final, anyone?) but at least you knew he was there. At times, I think a statue of Manuel Almunia could stop as many goals as the actual Manuel Almunia.

I say this without reservation, Arsenal will never win anything with Count Flapula in goal. He is constantly late getting off his line, takes terrible angles, is unassertive in his clearances and is completely lost on set pieces. Granted his smallish backline doesn't always do him justice in this regard, but a team with championship aspirations must have at least a competent keeper. Arsenal do not, and Almunia's backup Lukasz Fabianski is even worse, as his laughably bad performance in the Champions League at Porto proved beyond any doubt. Get a keeper. Now.

So that's it, Arsene. That's all I want for Christmas. And if you can see to it that we get them, I think there's a good a chance there will a present under your tree too.